Sample from my book From an Autism Mom with Love

April 2014

Dear Dance Teacher,

It’s lovely that you donate your time to work with special needs kids. So many activities for our kids cost 2 or 3 times what they do for typical kids. What a pleasant surprise that there is no fee.

My son loves music, and I was happy to have a safe environment where he can enjoy music and get some exercise. I’m not the most coordinated person and I’m not too comfortable in this environment, but he needs help and I’m all he’s got, so I’m trying to roll with it. It helps that the other moms are nice and involved with their kids too.

It was really disappointing the way you reacted to Alexander’s behavior today. He was having a hard time — biting and screaming- as he does sometimes, and you said “Well if he’s going to act like that …” You didn’t finish your thought, but I got the message. If he’s going to act like that then, he’s not welcome here. If he’s going to act like that why bring him?

I understand that it’s disruptive and I try hard to minimize that. I step outside and try to calm him. But sometimes it is what it is. Most of the kids have a hard time now and again. He seems to have difficulty for part of every class. But this is a special needs class.

That is what his disability looks like. Sometimes it’s ugly and loud. It’s not his fault. It’s not my fault. Why do I keep bringing him? Because he needs activities. He does enjoy some of it. He needs to get out of the house. I need to get out of the house. You may think well, find another activity for him. He acts like this in all his activities. Not all of the time but some of the time. Despite meds, despite behavior therapy, despite love and discipline. He lacks the ability to express what the issue is 99% of the time. So even though I’m hurt by your remark and feel unwelcome, we will be here next Thursday. It may go better. It may not. But we’ll be here.