Introduction to my book From an Autism Mom with Love
Dear Reader,
One of the hardest questions I am asked is, “What do you do?”. Seems innocuous enough, right? Comes up in the course of introductions and everyday conversation. My answer? “I’m a stay at home mom.” The next question inevitably is “ How old are your kids?” When I answer 16 and 18, I get a funny look. It’s just not that common for moms to stay home that long.
It wasn’t my plan to stay at home for so long. But then I wonder, did I have a plan? I graduated from college with a Bachelor’s degree in business management in 1992 and worked in human resources. A job that I liked but was not my passion. It was always my dream to be a mother. When I was young, my idealized version of life was to be married, a stay at home mom with four kids, two boys, two girls, of course. I loved dolls when I was very young and babysitting as a teenager. My husband, Willie, and I got married in 1998. We both loved and wanted children and were blessed to get pregnant easily twice. Alexander was born January 30, 2001, a beautiful and healthy baby boy, and Kate followed on May 26, 2003, a beautiful and happy baby girl. Both had 10 fingers and 10 toes and seemed fine. Happily ever after had begun.
I realize now that I didn’t give much thought to what life would be like past the baby phase. Would I stay home permanently? Work at some point? I think I had a vague notion of going back to work part-time in the future, maybe when the kids were in middle school. Life seems so simple when you’re young. Reality is far, far different than a young girl’s dreams. Within four months of Kate’s birth, things started to get very hectic. Within a two week period, Alexander was diagnosed with autism, I had major surgery for Crohn’s disease, and my mother was told she was no longer in remission from the ovarian cancer she’d been diagnosed with. My hands were more than full and having two more kids didn’t seem anywhere on the radar. The kids’ needs were great and going back to work became an impossibility.
I wrote letters to tell my story, to express my feelings, hopes, dreams, anger, guilt, and prayers. My hope is that as you read these letters, you get a better understanding of what it’s like for a boy growing into a young man, a family, and a mother to live with autism. There is a lot of information out there on autism. It’s wonderful to see how often it’s referenced in mainstream media. There is no lack of books, blogs, or magazine articles about it. This was not always the case. When my son was first diagnosed in 2002, the only thing I knew was the movie Rain Man. I knew nothing else. There wasn’t much information out there and I certainly didn’t know anyone who had been diagnosed with it. Now it seems everyone knows someone who has it or someone who has a family member with it. Still, with all this information, I don’t think many people understand what it’s like to live with it.
These letters represent only one perspective, my perspective. There are so many different ways a person can be affected by autism. This is about my boy and my hope to raise awareness and education, mainly so that people can see he is a whole person. A person with autism, yes, but a person who is about so much more. I hope that a peek into certain days and events in our lives will bring a deeper understanding and respect for the challenges that people like Alexander go through. Perhaps this can foster more compassion for accommodating the special needs that he and many others have.
I hope that a greater understanding will breed tolerance and compassion and erase fear. I have friends, acquaintances, and even family, who at times have been afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid. I love when someone takes an interest. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, to say hello to a person with autism, to include them, to offer them or their families help, to hire them. Don’t be afraid of what’s different. I promise you that people with autism are more like the average person than they are different.
