How Spending Time With My Disabled Child Can Help Your Child
My son is on the autism spectrum. Autism is sometimes called an invisible disability. It is not immediately obvious at first glance that someone has autism. In my son’s case though, it doesn’t take long to see there is something different about him. He does not readily respond to people that he doesn’t know. You may say “hello, how are you?” while looking directly at him and he may completely ignore you. He also makes a lot of little vocalizations, just little noises like “hee”” hey”” huh” that are apropos of nothing. He laughs a lot — about what I’m not really sure, but I can tell you his laugh and smile are both infectious. He’s usually a bit louder than he needs to be, whether with the noises or when speaking words. He doesn’t always make eye contact. He is lacking in spatial awareness and socially appropriate distancing (this started before social distancing was even a thing). This means he will stand too close to people and occasionally step on feet (usually mine, ouch). My boy has words but is not conversational. As he has gotten older, he’s gotten better at using those words to communicate his needs, but he cannot always do this which results in frustration, yelling, occasional biting (of himself) and meltdowns. Those are some of the things that make him different from your kids.
There are many things though that our kids all share in common. There are some that feel uncomfortable around my son and people like him. They don’t know what to do, where to look, or what to say when he acts in an unusual manner. I believe this is a result of not having experience with people on the spectrum or with special needs rather than a disinclination to get to know them. When people are exposed to and grow up with people who are different then themselves in any way, they are more inclined to be accepting of them and both parties are enriched by the experience. Below are 4 ways it would benefit your child to hang out with mine.
Hanging out with my child:
1. Fosters an Appreciation of Your Child’s Own Abilities
When they see how hard my child works to do something that comes naturally to them, like making friends and socializing, it helps impress on them an appreciation for things that they can easily do that they take for granted.
2. Serves as A Role Model for Perseverance
They will see my child trying over and over to do something, like use a video game controller the right way to play a game. He doesn’t want help and he doesn’t give up; he keeps on trying until he gets it. This also reinforces that it’s okay to learn at your own pace and not to be embarrassed if you get something wrong.
3. Encourages Compassion for Others
Watching someone work so hard for something without complaining helps develop compassion in your child. They may observe my child sounding out words while reading at school or having trouble using words to ask for what they want. My son didn’t learn how to tie his shoes until he was twenty years old, but he learned. I’ve seen my daughter’s friends cheer for him for things like this. It such a beautiful example of how to treat others.
4. Inspires Acceptance of Diversity
Diversity is often described as a state of fact of being diverse, difference, unlikeness. Hanging with my kid will show both sides — there are distinct differences between your child’s abilities and mine but there are also many likenesses between them. Just like many kids my boy loves shooting hoops, zoning out on the iPad (Subway Surfer is a particular fave), he enjoys and excels at jigsaw puzzles and is a chocoholic all the way (must be a genetic trait). Spending time with others that are dissimilar erases the stigma of these differences. It becomes no big deal if someone is pulled out of class for therapies or extra help or is on medication.
I have seen my own daughter and the siblings of other special needs children grow into compassionate and caring young adults who are accepting of all. They have been made richer and kinder by their experiences growing up with someone who is different than them. That’s all it really is, they are different, not less, just different. If we all had these shared experiences with people who are different from us in all kinds of ways we may start to live in a kinder world.
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